Sparkle After Divorce

Revel in Reflection

Is it possible it's the LAST day of 2008???? I believe there are two events each year that make most people give thought to what they've accomplished and where they're headed - birthday's and New Year's eve. These are natural benchmarks for rumination.

Today I received a thought provoking email written by Rev. David Ault that begs for year end truths. I have permission to share it with you and am excited to do so as I think you'll find it just as telling as I did.

Please read and reflect...

Did I express love this year—real love?  The kind of love that doesn’t announce itself in flashy circumstance or structured conditions—but an authentic, quiet, internal love?  The kind of love that bubbles to the surface when I gaze at another with understanding, a love that places me in their shoes, granting freedom from judgment and deepening my compassion?  A philanthropic love that expresses because it simply feels compelled to, because it knows there is more than enough and everyone can benefit.  If not, then I resolve to be and do better in my authentic loving. 

Did I forgive this year—really forgive?  The kind of forgiveness that cracks open my heart, peeling away one more layer of righteous indignation, thus allowing my soul to breathe?  The kind of forgiveness that loosens my clinched fists held high at a situation so that I don1t enter into the next one with guarded mistrust?  The kind of forgiveness that comprehends there is a difference between understanding a behavioral choice and condoning it?  If not, then I resolve to be and do better in my forgiving. 

Did I stop this year—really stop?  The kind of stopping that can’t help but make me vulnerable by becoming more familiar with who I am without distraction, smoke screens, excuses or self-imposed numbing?  The kind of stopping that turns me, naked, towards my...

How to Quiet the Mind After Divorce

"The best mind-altering drug is the truth."   ~  Lily Tomlin

The mind is more powerful than anything we can imagine - it can lead you to a life of abundance or spiral you down to the depths of depression. But the beauty of this truth is that it is your choice and always in your control!

You and you alone have the power to determine what quality of life you'll enjoy.  Of course things happen in life that are not always to our liking - but the secret to a bright and happy life is not about what happens but in how you REACT to what happens to you.

I have been coaching a gal who had been in both a marriage and  job she had outgrown years ago. She was holding on for security and stability while dreaming about pursuing her real passion. Shortly after we started working together she decided to end her marriage - but it was done with love and respect.

 Her career was a bit of a push-pull - she wanted to leave but didn't completely trust it would work out.She fought with fearful thoughts, "How am I going to make it," "How will I support myself let alone my kids," "I don't think I'll get the help I need to make my dreams a reality." 

And then the universe moved her along...

7 Tips for Reducing Holiday Stress After Divorce

The holidays are so romanced in our minds; baking cookies with our children...  special gatherings with friends and family...time to laugh and play in the rain or snow... fun party's...driving through neighborhoods to see all the beautiful lights. Basically plenty of time to do everything we envision the holidays to represent; peace, love and joy.

Unfortunately more people are stressed than not and end up rushing to cram as much in as possible and not enjoying much.  I know the holidays can be a bit sad and depressing for you if your relationship has ended this year. You want to be able to create some "holiday magic" for your kids and yourself and may be struggling with how to do that. 

SelfGrowth.com emailed me a wonderful article today  by Jim M. Allen giving you 7 tips to help reduce holiday stress and worry. I would like to share the article with you in hopes that it will help you relax and enjoy the true spirit of the season.

1. Make a List and Check it Twice

That's right, it's not just a line from a song...Santa actually sits down each and every day and makes a list of the things he needs to accomplish.  The list helps him focus and keeps him rom standing around his North Pole workshop trying to figure out what's next.

Put the two or three most important things at the top of the list --the things that you absolutely MUST accomplish in a given day--and the less important ones at the bottom.  Then do ONE THING at a time BEFORE you move on to the next one.

Messages from the Universe...

I think I mentioned I've been subscribing to Mike Dooley's (the guy from the Secret) Tut notes from the Universe.  These are daily reminders of life's magic and your divinity.  I just LOVE them and look forward every morning to see what message the universe has for my day.

 

I am going to share a recent one with you that I think is appropriate for anyone, and especially all of you going thru emotional times with others...

"For those that don't understand themselves....it's impossible that they might understand you. Impossible."

I understand you,

The Universe

P.S. - Don't let their choices offend you, their words hurt you, or their actions upset you.  And as you come to understand them, try not to laugh once they get cranked back up!

I encourage you to sign up for these nurturing notes at www.tut.com

Staying Present After Divorce

When I woke up this morning I found an email from Neale Donald Walsh with this simple message:

... yesterday is a cancelled check, tomorrow is a promissory note; today is the only cash you have; so spend it wisely.

Sometimes we can't see the forrest for the trees.  We make our lives so difficult by dwelling in the past, fearing the future and never staying present. 

So what are you doing today?  Are you focusing on the behavior and attitude that will help you manifest the new life you see for yourself? Are you putting energy into activities that will empower your life dreams?  

Give yourself the gift of living now, in this moment only.

 Try it today and see how it affects your life.  Don't allow yourself to slip into the past or get anxious about tomorrow. Make a conscious effort to give your full attention to what's happening in the moment.

 My mother, in the photo above, taught me this lesson. She has Alzheimer's and I think one of the most interesting aspects of this condition is that she lives in the now. Only those things occurring in the moment are important for her. Without being able to remember what happened or what was said 5 minutes ago and not worrying about the future she is only concerned with what's happening to her NOW. Interesting how there is always good in every bad. Sweetly poignant.

 So be PRESENT and live your life fully starting today!

Happiness After Divorce

"Happiness is good health and a bad memory"

   ~ Ingrid Bergman

This is so brilliant, don't you think?  Constantly remembering sad or bad memories just robs you of happiness in the now. When you find yourself obsessing on any unpleasant memories just make a decision to be happy. Say to your ego - Excuse me, didn't you get the memo?  I'm done with that memory and ready to move on to happier thoughts thank you very much. So scram!!

Dwelling on the past just keeps you stuck and filled up with angst. Happiness lives in the present - where you are right at this moment. 

If you need some help ask a friend to be on standby for positive reinforcements.  It's crucial to have good friends for support to gently guide you when you get off track and to just spend some time whooping it up. Laugh, dance, get merry - tis the season you know. 

My friend Nina and I above in Laguna - an annual trek to Laguna is part of our friendship pact! What do you do with your girlfriends?

Make your friends a priority - it's your girlfriends that will help you get happy - ask them to go shopping with you, visit a make-up counter, get a tattoo (well maybe not, but you get the gyst)  - anything that's fun and festive!!

#1 Tip For Letting Go After Divorce

  I went to Agape Spiritual Center last Sunday expecting to hear Michael Beckwith and was pleasantly surprised to find Iyanla Vanzant covering for him. She talked of nega-holism in the masses; those people focusing only on the negatives in their life. And as she talked I thought how appropriate this term is for most individuals going thru divorce or separation. 

  Are you a nega-holic?  Do you find yourself continually angry and clinging to every sad, disappointing, thoughtless, word and deed your ex pulls on you? Would you like to kick the habit?

  First of all let me say I can understand the anger that goes with all this negativity. That's normal and part of the healing process - but continual anger needs to be addressed. Did you know anger is rooted in the fear of loss, especially if it's uncontrolled loss?

  When you are used to being attached to something and have built dreams around the relationship it can be scary and frightening when it's taken away. And what you need to realize is that the anger is coming because you fear the loss of whatever you perceive to be taken away from you or done to you. This can be very intense.  

  The tip is to separate yourself from what's going on long enough to say to yourself," Why am I thinking what I'm thinking?  Why am I acting the way I'm acting?" Be an observer. This is the first step to detaching from the reactive, automatic behavior patterns that govern our lives and create negative emotion.

  When you do this you will begin to detach and the anger will melt away and you will be able to let go. You are able to do this because you are bringing your soul into the equation and your spirit only knows truth. The soul does not have an ego nor does it know conditioned behavior. You will see things from a new perspective and you will realize that whatever has your goat is not all that important in the grand scheme of things. And you will be free and at peace...

Divorce Mantra That Works!

I spent the last few days with a like-minded friend, Deb (in pic) discussing and sharing the successful ways we've learned and grown. She had just written a mantra that she wanted me to read... as I read it I felt my whole body react with energy and power as the truth of her words spoke to my soul. I asked her if I could share it with my peeps (that would be you!) and she graciously agreed. 

So I invite you to make this YOUR mantra - print it out and recite it every day... multiple times a day... and you will feel yourself recognizing the beautiful, valuable woman you are....

"I am one with Source energy, and I see my future strong, loving, filled with life, travel, family, fun, joy, laughter, creativity, a beautiful home, knowing and oneness with my Being. I act now to bring my future to me, I respond by speaking my truth and using my creativity to move forward into the light, into my new life that is filled with love and light. I ask God/Source, my Angels, my Guides and Teachers to help assist me in following my light to my highest and best good that will promote my growth.  I see that by using my own inner strengths and taking action now it will promote my growth.  I have the ability and I recognize that this is my time to move forward with my life! I let go of the past, and move fully into the now and create an amazing future for myself and all who surround me! Thank you God Source!"

~ Deb Sigurdson

Remember, you are as valuable as a diamond and your diamond essence sparkles and radiates all that you are....:-)

To Your Beauty & Brilliance,

Sherri